(The following is an excerpt from an adult woman’s experience of growing up in a religiously-observant community, in a dysfunctional family that culminated in divorce).

“…Being a child of divorce is a strange thing. You are the product of a wrecked union, a faulty fusion of souls. You bore witness to flawed relationship skills, to recurrent patterns of psychologically unsound behavior. The fear is constant: will you repeat those mistakes?

Today, a fully developed self-identity and a mature faith have helped me accept the reality that G‑d makes no mistakes. In the biblical song of Haazinu, Moshe avers this pillar of faith: ‘The Rock [G‑d]! Perfect are His works, for all His paths are justice.’ [1]

My childhood was warped in so many ways, but there is comfort in knowing it was tailor-made for me. G‑d wanted me to tackle this particular life test. My job now is to learn the lessons and build anew. I have emerged scarred, but I have also emerged with a unique understanding of people and relationships. Going forward, I must put that to use…” [2]

[The author might still have feelings about her mother to work out, but she’s certainly moving in the right direction. Her inclusion of emunah (faith) in the healing process isn’t unique, but is far less common than it could and should be. Emunah includes nonjudgmental acceptance of whatever happened as being G-d’s Will for the Good. But it can also require examining our own thoughts and feelings to make other, better choices, before we’re fully able to put our souls in G-d’s Hands. As it says in “Adon Olam” –“B’ya’do af’kid ru’chi” — I place my soul in G-d’s Hand.”]

May we all find healing in faith in the coming year.


[1] Dvarim/Deut. 32:4 — “The Rock: His acts are perfect; all His ways are just.”
This clearly states both Mosheh’s own emunah, and the emunah he teaches us all to have. See the remainder of the verse as well.

[2] http://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/2747593/jewish/I-Am-the-Child-of-Divorce.htm